On being stagnant.

I've been searching for a job now for quite some time. I've applied, emailed, called, interviewed (in person and over the phone) and just about done it all. I hate being so still. I cannot sit still and just let my life slowly drift by. It is by our actions how we define ourselves, not some predestined privilege that we are born into. I for the first time in a long time now I do not belong to a group to lead, a school to study in, or even an ensemble to play with. I am stagnant; I have never been so still in my life. I find myself yearning for a score to study, a lesson to form, a concert to give. I have taken for granted some gifts that are given to me. The ability to lead, the ability to inspire others and the ability to perform. Maybe some lesson of humility is to be learned from the past 4 months of my life. A lesson of holding dear those talents and dedications that have been bestowed in my head and never taking the opportunity to share them with others for granted.

 I need to throw a rock in the pond.